The Ebb and Flow of Friendships

In 1982 my husband and I purchased a Century home in the rural South Western Ontario village of Ripley, population 529.  It is inhabited mostly by retired farmers, not too many young people! I had two very young children, ages 3 and 2 years old.  I was overjoyed to learn that our new neighbours would be a young family with a son the same age as my 3 year old daughter.  As a stay-at-home mom at the time, this was welcomed news! 

Over the next year or so, the children became fast friends as did Stacy and I.  The kids would either be in our yard playing or next door in their yard, toys belonging to all the of the children in both yards.

One day however, everything changed.  I found Stacy one morning hauling a wagon load of her son’s toys back over to her yard and taking our toys from her yard back into our yard. Not a word was uttered between us.  I was shocked and hurt and wondered what I had done to offend her. If we were walking down the street, she would cross to the other side.  I did not understand it at all! 

That winter we had a chimney fire and my husband and I gathered the children running out into the frigid night air to our elderly neighbour’s home, while fire trucks gathered on our street.  A terrifying experience to say the least!  People in the neighbourhood were out on there verandas watching all the excitement, including Stacy’s little family.  No major damage from the fire, we returned that night to our humble abode.

The next morning the phone rang….it was Stacy! “ME WANT TO SMOKE EM PEACE PIPE” would I come over for a coffee. I went as soon as I could.

She told me that her behaviour had nothing to do with me, I had done nothing wrong.  Before moving to the neighbourhood, she had delivered a baby girl that had survived birth only to pass away three days old due to complications.  Every time she had to interact with my young daughter it was just too overwhelming for her to bear and she did not know how to deal with her grief, so she ended the friendship.  I learned that day how grief can get a hold of you.  The fire had made her realize that life was too short and would I forgive her!

I have since moved away from Ripley some 20 years now.  We keep in touch via the internet and every year I make my way back to the area, I always include a visit with my friend Stacy and we share a coffee and swap stories.  It feels like I’ve never left!

Submitted By Lynn